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IT IS NOW 2.5 YEARS OF SEPARATION.... STILL HEALING!
As a child, seeing hours of fighting - the physical & verbal abuse, the fight for child custody, the name calling and the pain... The Trauma set in too deep.
In the 15 years of being married, I did not want to end up in the same place - so I gave in, during the times I should not, I stayed quiet when I should have expressed.
The times inside I was screaming pain & helplessness, but my Fear did not let me speak up. The more I gave in, the more was demanded... The Frustration & the guilt of not being able to stand up for my own family... the helplessness to speak up against abuse...
The pain of being called the same adjectives that I resisted from my childhood...
It was like the demons of my past were catching up & they were so scary.... they crippled me. To hide from others my weakness & my vulnerability, I even learnt to put up a pretence...
* Why is it that a woman is outcast when she moves out of a relationship? * Why does she have to explain to the
world & show her wounds to be accepted? * Why is she asked to justify herself to be allowed Freedom? * Why is she the one to be always judged? * Why is she always forced to accomodate, adjust & ignore for the peace of the family?
Still figuring out the finances, the responsibility & my availability... for my children whileproviding for them. Teaching them the two biggest lessons of their life...
To my Son - A woman is TO BE ALWAYS treated with love, empathy & respect - even though she is your wife. Never throw your childhood traumas on your partner.
To my Daughter - How to live a fully self-expressed life of passion, full of Love, Peace, Happiness & Fulfilment. And NO ONE has the right to take it away from you.